Your Marketing Skips the Grandparents Who Help Pay Tuition, Give, and Decide

Your marketing probably skips the person who writes the tuition check. If you lead a faith-based K-8 with 180 students, no development office, and a marketing budget that has to cover everything, grandparent school marketing sounds like a luxury. It isn't. It's a list you already half own and an audience that already pays attention.

Here's the pattern at most schools. Grandparents get one invitation a year, a muffin, a choir song, and a photo. Then they disappear from every email list you run. Meanwhile, the same grandparents help pay tuition, give to the annual fund, and sit at the Thanksgiving table when the family talks about whether your school is worth the money. The school that markets only to parents is skipping the relative who may be paying, and who often gets the last word over the pie.

Two limits up front. First, no published survey measures how much grandparents sway a K-12 school choice, so this post won't hand you an influence percentage. It shows you how to measure your own. Second, the tax angle is smaller at a school charging $8,000 to $15,000 than at a $35,000 college prep. At your price point, the win is convenience and goodwill, not estate planning.

Your biggest objection is probably time. You already run admissions, the newsletter, and half the events yourself. That's why the plan below runs on one enrollment-form field, one CRM segment, two emails, and one well-run event. A one-person office can set it up in a quiet week in January.

This post is written for leaders at faith-based and independent schools who want a plan they can run without new staff. We'll cover the numbers, the three jobs grandparents do (payer, donor, and influencer), Grandparents Day, list building, and the mistakes that cause family trouble.

Why Should Private Schools Market to Grandparents?

Private schools should market to grandparents because grandparents already spend money on their grandchildren, and some of it goes to school. National survey data puts their yearly support in the billions. Giving data from 168 Episcopal schools shows grandparents give at more than twice the participation rate of alumni. Most schools still have no grandparent list.

Start with the household money. AARP Research estimates that grandparents contribute more than $172 billion in direct financial support to grandchildren each year, plus an estimated $731 billion in unpaid care. The AARP release headline calls the combined total a $900 billion "grandparent economy." In a survey conducted by AARP of more than 3,300 grandparents in late 2025, 90% said they provide financial support, and the average spend was $2,654 a year across all their grandchildren.

AARP's policy chief put it plainly. Dr. Debra Whitman, with AARP, said, "America runs on grandparents. Grandparents are one of the most important – and often overlooked – sources of support for American families."

Education is part of that spending. "One in five (21%) say they spend money on their grandchildren's school or college tuition with the average amount being $4,075 annually." (Source: AARP Research, 2019) That figure comes from a 2018 survey, and the 2026 release doesn't break out tuition, so treat it as the best available marker, not a current one.

Giving data points the same way. NAIS data for the 168 schools in its National Association of Episcopal Schools comparison group shows a median 17.2% giving participation from grandparents of current students in 2024-25. The same NAIS report puts alumni participation at 7.5%. NAIS figures for that group also show a median $60,260 in hard-credit gifts from grandparents.

What does that mean for a 180-student school? Be careful here. In that NAIS comparison group, median enrollment is 396 and median first grade tuition is $23,665, so don't adopt 17.2% as your target. Use it as proof that grandparents give when someone asks them to stay involved. Your own baseline comes from your own list, which you probably haven't built yet.

How Do Grandparents Help Pay Tuition at a Private School?

Grandparents help pay tuition in two main ways: paying the school directly or giving through a 529 plan. Paying directly is simplest, because federal gift tax rules exclude tuition sent straight to a qualifying school. Your job is to make either path easy to find, easy to set up, and easy to explain.

Explain the Direct-Payment Rule on Your Tuition Page

The direct-payment rule covers K-12 schools as well as colleges. The IRS instructions for Form 709 state that the gift tax "does not apply to an amount you paid on behalf of an individual to a qualifying domestic or foreign educational organization as tuition." A qualifying school "normally maintains a regular faculty and curriculum and normally has a regularly enrolled body of pupils or students." The federal regulation behind that definition, 26 CFR 1.170A-9, says it "includes institutions such as primary, secondary, preparatory, or high schools." The Form 709 instructions add that the payment must go directly to the school and must be for tuition, not books, supplies, or other costs.

For 2026, the annual gift tax exclusion is $19,000 per recipient, as Saving for College reported, and direct tuition payments don't count against it. Here's the honest math for a smaller school. If your tuition is $11,000, a grandparent could cover it as an ordinary annual gift anyway. The rule matters most to families paying $30,000 or more, or grandparents covering two or three grandchildren at once.

So at an $8,000 to $15,000 school, sell the convenience. Add a short "Ways Family Can Help With Tuition" section to your tuition page. Let billing add a second payer to a family account, with the parents' written OK. Offer a one-page guide that ends with this line: "Talk with your tax adviser about your situation." You're not giving tax advice. You're removing a phone call.

Mention 529 Plans for K-12, With the State Caveat

Federal law also lets families use 529 plans for K-12 tuition. Data collected by Saving for College's K-12 guide indicates the federal limit on K-12 withdrawals rose to $20,000 per student starting in tax year 2026. The catch is state tax. Not every state treats K-12 tuition as a qualified expense, and California adds a penalty, so the guide should send families to their plan or adviser.

Grandparents are already using these accounts. Fidelity's 2025 College Gifting Study found that 35% of grandparents have contributed to a savings account for a grandchild's education instead of a traditional gift.

One note keeps you from overpromising. The recent FAFSA change on grandparent-owned 529 plans is a federal college aid rule. As reported by Kiplinger, more than 200 private institutions use the CSS Profile instead, and it still counts grandparent-held 529 plans. K-12 tuition assistance follows your own aid provider's rules, so check with them before you print anything.

How Should Your School Cultivate Grandparents as Donors?

Cultivate grandparents as donors by building the relationship first and asking later, through your development calendar, not at the event. Invite them in, show them the mission at work, collect their contact details, and thank them. A personal, separate ask works better than a pledge card on the cafeteria table.

Independent School Management (ISM) is direct about this. ISM stated, "ISM recommends that this event be focused strictly on cultivation and stewardship, not solicitation." The same ISM guidance warns, "One risk of incorporating even a 'soft' solicitation is that the event may appear to be simply another way to ask for money." ISM adds that guests who give at the event may not give again, and might have given more after a personal ask.

A small development office can still make this work. One independent school's small development office expanded its annual grandparents event to more than 300 grandparents and special friends in 2018 on a small budget, as reported by the school's development blog. The school later started a grandparent leadership giving circle. Its assistant director of development said, "Grandparents are an integral part of a school community and play a key part in a school's fundraising and enrollment success."

Keep expectations honest. NAIS Facts at a Glance data for 168 Episcopal schools shows the median gift total from grandparents ($60,260) was about 13% of the median from current parents ($462,810). Grandparents add to the annual fund. They don't replace parents. If you're building the rest of your donor program, our guide to alumni giving programs covers the stewardship calendar that grandparent giving fits into.

Faith-based schools have an edge here. Your church or congregation already lists many grandparents as members. A bulletin note, a pulpit announcement, or a table after Sunday services reaches them for free.

How Do Grandparents Influence the School Decision Over Thanksgiving?

Grandparents influence the school decision as trusted voices, not as the legal decision-maker. No survey measures that influence for K-12 schools, so don't quote a number nobody can trace. What you can do is give current families something worth showing at Thanksgiving, and then ask new families who helped them decide.

School identity often runs in families. Sikkink and Schwarz, writing in the Journal of School Choice in 2018, found "intergenerational continuity in school sector among parents who opt out of traditional public schools." The study looked at parents and children, not grandparents, and it found public school was still the most common choice. But the pattern is clear enough: a family's sense of "our kind of school" carries forward.

Grandparents also care about where school leads. Nearly all grandparents (95%) said it's important for their grandchildren to get a higher education, according to the 2019 AARP fact sheet. Lead with outcomes, character, and faith formation, which are the parts of your story a grandparent repeats.

Build a "Share Our School" Kit for Thanksgiving Week

Thanksgiving falls on Nov. 26, 2026. Send current families a short kit the week of Nov. 16 so it lands before travel starts:

• A one-page letter from the head of school, written for grandparents and special friends
• A 60- to 90-second phone video of students in class, chapel, or at recess
• Three plain facts: class size, what graduates go on to do, and how to visit
• A link to your referral page, so a cousin or neighbor with a young child can inquire

This ties into your existing school referral program. Ask parents to forward the kit, not to give a speech. A grandparent who likes what they see can tell a church friend or a neighbor with a preschooler.

How Do You Run a Grandparents Day That Earns Its Cost?

A Grandparents Day earns its cost when it captures contact information, shows the mission in action, and leads to follow-up. Keep the program short and accessible. Invite "grandparents and special friends" so every student can bring someone. Then measure attendance, new contacts, and the gifts that come in months later.

Timing is simple. "Most schools hold the event in the fall, often before the Thanksgiving break." (Source: Independent School Management) That same ISM guidance lists the basics: refreshments, a short welcome from no more than two speakers, a performance, classroom visits, and a keepsake from the student.

Plan for older guests. Reserve close parking, put seating in every room, mark the restrooms, and keep the program to about 90 minutes. Offer a livestream or a recorded performance for grandparents who live far away. Virtual schools can run the whole event this way.

ISM's most useful tip is easy to skip: collect email addresses at the event. Use a check-in form on a tablet, or a printed card at each seat. Every grandparent who leaves without a record is one you'll have to find again next year.

How Do You Build a Grandparent Contact List and Measure It?

Build the list at enrollment, with the parents' permission, and store it in your CRM as its own segment. Parents decide which grandparents and special friends you may contact. Then report three numbers each year: list size, event attendance, and gifts from grandparents. That's enough to show a board real progress.

Add one optional field to enrollment and re-enrollment forms: "Grandparents or special friends you'd like us to invite to school events." Include a consent line and let parents add or remove names anytime. In HubSpot, store each grandparent as a contact linked to the family record, tag the relationship, and build a "grandparents and special friends" list.

Then send them something two or three times a year: the Grandparents Day invitation, a short spring update, and an end-of-year thank-you. Keep it separate from parent emails, which assume a reader who knows the carpool rules.

Report these three numbers to your board each year:

• List size: the share of families with at least one grandparent or special friend on file
• Event attendance: guests at Grandparents Day, in person and online
• Grandparent-sourced gifts: dollars and donors from your grandparent segment

To measure influence yourself, add one question to your new-family survey: "Who helped your family choose our school?" Include "grandparents" as an option. In two enrollment cycles, you'll have a number that's yours.

What Can Go Wrong When Schools Market to Grandparents?

Schools run into trouble when they treat grandparents as interchangeable with parents. Contact only the people parents approve, keep billing separate from decision rights, and assume nothing about money or family structure. Most problems start with a well-meant email sent to the wrong relative or a student with no grandparents to invite.

Money inside families gets complicated. A Florida law firm that handles family matters warns that when a grandparent pays one grandchild's tuition, other relatives may read repeated payments as a statement about preference, and "money can shift influence." Your school shouldn't referee that. Keep the parents as the account holders and decision-makers, even when a grandparent pays the bill. Share grades, discipline, and records only with the people your enrollment contract allows.

Check custody arrangements before you send anything about a student to anyone outside the household. Divorce and blended families mean more than one set of grandparents, and sometimes a relative the family doesn't want contacted.

Don't assume wealth, either. AARP's 2019 fact sheet found that 13% of grandparents struggle with the financial expectations of the role. Fidelity survey results show that among grandparents who hadn't given to an education account, 50% said they couldn't afford to. Your grandparent emails should feel like an invitation, not a bill.

What Does Grandparent Marketing Look Like at a 180-Student Faith-Based K-8?

Picture a hypothetical church-affiliated K-8 with 180 students, about 140 families, and $10,000 tuition. The principal has no development staff and wants a grandparent program that fits inside existing tools. Here's a realistic first year, with simple arithmetic and no promised results.

In January, the office adds the grandparent field to re-enrollment forms. If 60% of families list at least one grandparent, that's 84 families and perhaps 120 contacts. In spring, billing adds an optional second payer and the tuition page gets a three-paragraph "Ways Family Can Help" section.

In the fall, the school holds Grandparents and Special Friends Day in early November, streams the program, and collects emails at check-in. The week of Nov. 16, families get the Thanksgiving kit. In December, grandparents receive a thank-you with one quiet line about the annual fund.

What does success look like? If 20 grandparents each gave $100, that's $2,000. It's a modest number, and it's 20 new donors who were invisible a year earlier. The bigger payoff is the list itself.

Market to the Whole Family Behind Every Student

Grandparents already help your families pay, give, and decide. Grandparent school marketing just makes that visible. Start with the enrollment field and the consent line. Add the tuition page section and the second-payer option. Keep Grandparents Day free of solicitation, send the Thanksgiving kit, and report three numbers to your board.

Your budget can stay where it is. What changes is who's on your list and who owns the calendar. If you'd like help building the grandparent segment, the Thanksgiving email, and the HubSpot tracking, schedule a conversation. It's a 20-minute call with no contract, and you'll leave with the enrollment-form wording to use first.

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